About this column
We ask 5 smart voices for their 100-word take on 1 provocative brand challenge. Today’s question is . . .
How do you defuse a tense moment on social media?
Randi Buckley
“Let go of the need to be right. This doesn’t mean you abdicate your view, it just means that someone else doesn’t feel they are being made out to be wrong. Minds and hearts can’t change if they don’t feel respected and the quest for proving a point crashes and burns in rage. Letting them know you can see where they’re coming from, offering appreciation and respectful humor, will go beyond defusion and will create connection. While one of these will make all the difference, the combination might just start rumors of Jedi training.”
Through a trinity of intuition, deep wisdom, and playful mischief, Randi Buckley stands in the fire with women at the crossroads of big decisions and sticky situations to find, live, and speak their truth. Find her at RandiBuckley.com.
Andy Hayes
“Timely question, as this just happened to me recently with a mentor I highly respect. The first thing to do is step back. In a virtual environment, we lack social queues and other non-verbal communication signals, so take a minute and look at the situation from all sides. Are you sure you understand why things are tense? How did you get to this point? Did you miss/misunderstand something crucial? Only with all that information can you respond with confidence and compassion. And remember, always be friendly and respectful, even if you disagree – words on the Internet are hard to erase.”
Andy Hayes is a Portland, Oregon-based web strategist and travel-lover who does website critiques and “tweets way too much.”
Nichole Bazemore
“I log off and focus on something else, like how or where I can actually make a difference. Maybe that means I focus on a project, call on a client, walk my dog, or talk to my son about his day and really listen. Maybe I just go outside and remember that real life is lived in color, off line. When I turn off the noise, I instantly remember what really matters and needs my attention. And it’s never, ever matching wits with some blowhard on social media.”
Nichole Bazemore writes clear, direct, no-nonsense copy for good businesses doing great things. Find her at Simply Stated Solutions.
Laura Calandrella
“Address the tension directly, especially if the person is someone you know. Most of the time social media is just too cursory to really know the intent or meaning behind a message. Pick up the phone. Ask for a Skype conversation. Just don’t invent your own story about what it means. If you don’t know the person and they seem to make a habit of creating tension through social media, I would ask myself the question “Why am I engaging with this person online?” Personally, I am looking to connect with people who challenge me to think differently, but do it in a thoughtful way. My social media contacts are a group of people who I respect.”
Laura Calandrella is a social impact coach, conversation igniter, and advocate for Gen Y leadership. She writes about the intersection of personal growth and social change on her blog, LauraCalandrella.com.
Melissa Black
“I tend to stay away from ‘hot topics’ on social media, so it’s not often that I run into a tense moment there. When I am faced with an uncomfortable situation, I lean toward humor — very much the way I do in my everyday life. My friends on social media are a mix of ‘real life’ friends and family, clients, and colleagues. Differing opinions are inevitable, but most everyone I know can appreciate good humor!”
Melissa Black is the CEO at Black Ink Virtual Assistance, where she employs her wizardry around all things management, administrative, and tech-related in nature. Find her at Black Ink VA. She is The Voice Bureau’s own Virtual Concierge.
In the comments, we’d love to hear:
How do you defuse a tense moment on social media? What’s your style? Leave your perspective, then share this piece with your audience so they can see what you have to say, and weigh in, too.
Hello, you.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This is such an critical topic and I think Andy touched on the all-important factor that virtual interactions lack the non-verbal cues and subtleties found in face-to-face connections. By keeping this thought at the forefront of my mind, I am able to objectively look at the conversation and see where the break downs in communication may have occurred.
I also believe that giving others the benefit of the doubt, or even starting from a place of expecting the best in others can help defuse a tense situation. At the same time, I think it’s good to note that just because a situation is tense, doesn’t mean it has to have negative impact on those participating in the conversation. Sometimes when people are working through tough issues or voicing opinions and preferences, tension will become a natural player in the conversation. While always speaking truth in love, I try to pepper my words with grace and the “agree to disagree” mindset in these situations.
Wise words, Alle. The benefit of the doubt goes a long way — unless and until there’s substantial enough evidence that someone enjoys conflict for conflict’s sake, and then it’s my personal predilection to steer clear. There are too many productive conversations to be had online to waste energy getting mired in conflict.