Don’t Get Twitter? Come Sit By Me.

We don’t need another post about Twitter.

But some of us need this one.

Twitter doesn’t come easily to all of us. If you don’t feel like a Twitter natural, this post is for you.

This post is for those of us for whom Twitter did not — does not — come naturally. For those of us who did not fall in love with Twitter at first Tweet, like falling dreamily into a big, fluffy, white hotel bed. Those of us about whom Twitter True Believers say, “If you don’t get Twitter, then get the heck off of it!”

If you want to learn how to use Twitter — what is a reTweet, how to find Twitter followers, how to customize your Twitter background, when you should DM {direct message} someone as opposed to @Replying them — all you have to do is Google it or YouTube it {“how to use Twitter”}. Or check out Laura Roeder, who offers the most simplistic free video explanations {and for sale but very worth-it-looking programs} on how to use Twitter for wannabe savvier business owners ever [not an affiliate link]. {And you never click away from Laura feeling like a dummy afterward. She’s cool like that.}

But I can tell you this: Twitter can feel like the best bar you were ever in. Or the best café. The café you crawl into bed at night after visiting and replay the conversations you had while you were there in your head over and over. The bar you always end up at on a Friday night if it’s left up to you.

But — newsflash — you’ve got to make it that way for yourself.

I didn’t invent this metaphor of Twitter-as-the-world’s-best-bar/café. It’s been around. But I want to explain to you how to create this feeling — heck, not just the feeling but the virtual experience — for yourself.

First, pick an imaginary venue — someplace where you could feel like your coolest, most easygoing but totally tuned-in self.

Bar or café: pick whichever locale you’d rather be in. {Heck, you could even make it a sports arena if you like how you feel there.} I say ‘imaginary,’ but really, this can be a place that exists offline that you’ve actually been to.

Why do you need to imagine a place as opposed to just accepting that you’re using an online social media networking site?

Because it’s easier that way to keep in mind that what you’re doing, when you’re on Twitter, is talking to real live people with real live lives, personalities, fears, insecurities, senses of humor, all of that.

For me, Twitter is a café that also serves alcohol. Best of both worlds. A café like this one.

Why a café? Because that’s my comfort zone. A place where I feel good about seeing and being seen. A place where I can kick in to my sweet spot relatively easily.

Just like in a real bar or café, there’s some initial getting-over-yourself awkwardness that you have to work out. At first it’s scary to even make eye contact with interesting people.

But you can do it.

If you go to the same café — or log onto Twitter — every day, you’ll see some of the same people {the people you follow}.

After a while of seeing their faces {their Twitter profile pics} every day, you’ll find you’d be able to pick them out of a crowd. {“Oh, that’s so-and-so!”}

You’ll start to pick up on what mood they’re in based on the signals they send {i.e. the content and tone of their Tweets}.

You’ll slowly get a feel for what they’re all about — what they’re into, what they value {i.e. the links they reTweet and the commentary they add}.

Sometimes “your” people will show up with friends, acquaintances, co-workers {i.e. they reTweet other people’s Tweets and share links to articles they find worthwhile, funny, insightful, etc.}.

You might dig the looks or the vibe {i.e. the content} of these friends and acquaintances of your everyday Café Twitter friends, and you may start to follow them, too, because you’d like to see them more often.

And one day, you feel confident enough to make eye contact with your Café Twitter friends. Or try a small, shy, sustained smile. {Think of this as an @Reply to a question they asked, or a reTweet of a link they shared.}

One day, you may be comfortable enough in your own Café Twitter-ific skin to strike up a conversation. {Otherwise known as a DM, or a Direct Message.}

Slowly, you’re building relationships. They will happen at all different paces and over all different reasons and topics, but relationships they are — just like offline.

You can be — and should be — niche-y in your approach on Twitter.

What the heck does this mean?

For one thing, you don’t have to — and shouldn’t — follow back everybody who follows you. Think of this as someone giving you the eye across the café . You know, the eye? You obviously don’t have to give the eye back. You can smile politely and look away. {Okay, this is a bit different from being followed on Twitter. On Twitter, not following someone back does not mean you’re repulsed by them. It simply means that at this time, you’re trying to keep your Tweet stream focused and well-honed. In time, you may end up following them back.}

Here’s how I decide who to follow on Twitter:

I follow people I admire, people I can learn from, people I consider mentors, and peers who are doing something along the lines of what I’m doing {i.e. building a mostly internet-based business based on my passions and inborn talents}.

I try to follow as few people as possible, while following as many people as I feel overwhelmingly attracted to. What this means is, when someone follows me, I follow them back only if I’ve been reading and liking their stuff for a while, or I check out their Tweet stream or their blog and say to myself, OMG. Must have more of this on the regular.

I also go through my list regularly and unfollow people whose Tweets aren’t totally energizing me or teaching me. This sounds self-centered, but hey, it’s my Tweetstream! I would rather follow fewer people and be able to picture all of their faces when I hear their names and feel as if I’ve made a personal and professional investment in their work than have them feel like strangers. I want to keep my network of relationships manageable {read: relatively winnowed down}.  Just because I unfollow someone doesn’t mean their Tweets are boring, pointless, and stupid. It just means that whatever they’re tweeting about is not ringing my bell right now. And that’s okay, because I’m only one person. No biggie.

You want to keep in mind why you’re visiting Café Twitter.

This is all about being niche-y and respectful. You don’t want to waste time in the Tweetstream of your followers. Keep your Tweets and what you reTweet relevant to what your business is about.  It’s totally okay to Tweet a few personal details or anecdotal blips here and there, but overall, if you’re using Twitter for business, people are interested in the professional side of who you are. And remember that professional need not mean corporate-y. You can and should Tweet in your everyday voice.

Are you looking for friends/peers/colleagues/potential joint venture partners? Are you looking for prospective clients or customers? Are you looking for mentors and resources? Are you looking to laugh and unplug a little bit from the seriousness of the daily grind? Knowing your goals, desires, and intentions for engaging at Café Twitter can help you stay focused. {For more on how to segment your Tweeps, Google “how to use Twitter lists.”}

Ah, Café Twitter. The coolest thing about it is that you can totally make it yours.

If it seems dry, pointless, or intimidating — trust me, it’s because you’re not doing it right. Yet.

Start Googling those free Twitter how-to resources {videos, blog posts, etc.}. Check out Laura Roeder on YouTube. And just walk in to the place, have yourself a seat, and start Tweeting.

And if you see me there, you can come sit by me.

Readers, what about Twitter nagged or confounded you most at the start {or confounds you still}?