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On the menu: sorrow.

Sorrow is a precursor, an amuse-bouche, an appetizer to the main course, which is what we’ve come to the table for. Entrepreneurially speaking.

 

He: I’m here for the filet.

She: I’m here for the gruyère mac and cheese with prawns.

Insert [what I really want to do with my life, entrepreneurially] for ‘the steak.’

Insert [my dream that I’ve suppressed for so long] for ‘the gruyère mac and cheese’ and [a friggin’ fine paycheck] for the prawns.

{Guess this one’s a fancy restaurant.}

Before we even stepped foot into this place, we feigned to ourselves {and probably to our dining companions} that we were so ready for the main course, the special we saw featured on the online menu. The one we thought about the whole drive over, and even, if we’re honest, the night before this in bed after we’d made our reservation to dine here.

I’ll just eat the main course, we told ourselves. And it’ll be great. I’ll be completely satisfied. It’s all I really want, after all.

But all along, we knew we wouldn’t be able to pass up our favorite appetizer.

Before we can dig in to that much-storied, much-lauded, five star main course, we have to have that darn appetizer.

{In case you’re wondering, it’s a dish that very few diners dislike, although almost no one readily admits to liking it. It’s kind of controversial, like fois gras or, these days, anything made from corn.}

So we run our finger down the menu. No need to go very far down the page. There it is. Sorrow.

Sometimes it’s listed as Grief. Despair. Regret.

Admit it. It may not be something you like other people to catch you noshing on, but you’ve enjoyed your share of Sorrow Plates. Hated yourself for loving every bite.

For some of us, the Sorrow Appetizer is our guiltiest pleasure.

Maybe your Sorrow Appetizer tastes like feeling sorry for yourself:

I never got the chance to live my dream.

Other people kept me from it.

If I wouldn’t have grown up the way I did, I’d be living my dream by this point.

Or maybe your Sorrow Appetizer tastes like grieving the time you lost by filling up on empty calories in the form of entrepreneurial misfires, wrong-fitting career choices, or assignments/consignments taken on because you needed the money. {And if you did — because let’s face, most of us need the money — that wasn’t necessarily wrong. It was just painful or sad in its own needful way.}

Some of us fill up too much on the appetizer. We binge on it until there’s no room left for the main meal. {Kinda like the breadsticks at Olive Garden, eh?}

And then — then, there are those of us who want to skip right to dessert: enjoying the spoils of a well-crafted business model before we’ve put in any work at all, then decrying entrepreneurship in general or our own gifts in particular when we find out it doesn’t work that way.

Both of these dining behaviors are problematic. {But the dessert problem is another post.}

But hey, listen: there’s a good reason the Sorrow Appetizer is on the menu at all. {Big Chef knows a thing or two about us.}

It primes the palate to receive. Wakes up our senses, especially a sleeping appetite. Tides us over if the kitchen is slow. Makes us feel that at the end of the meal, we’ve had enough. We weren’t totally starving when we lifted our forks for the main course, because there’s a bit of something already in there.

There’s taste memory. Sorrow is on our breath and it mingles with the flavors of the main course.

Some diners, then, are neurotic. They get up after the Sorrow Appetizer and rush off to the restroom, angling for the mirror over the sink to neurotically floss out every last herb and speck of seasoning. I didn’t eat that. I’ve never felt that.

Bottom line: they don’t want anyone to know that they prime themselves on such plates. It’s quite indulgent.

But they do. We all do.

It’s kind of, you know, the way we humans do things.

Have you been eating a neverending Sorrow Appetizer instead of the meat-and-potatoes of your entrepreneurial dream?

With every bite, are you telling yourself that It can’t be done, or that you can’t do it?

As you chase the last crumbs of the Sorrow Appetizer around the plate with your fork, are you telling yourself that you’re a has-been, and thinking that what you’ve had was never the right thing to begin with?

If so, look up from your small plate. Look around.

There’s a whole restaurant full of diners eating the same course you are.

Now, how do we get past the necessary Sorrow Appetizer — grieving for the dreams we lost along the way, resentment at the other choices we made {often made for other people, not for us}, fear that we may never see our dream come to fruition on this earth — and tell the waitstaff, “Yes, please. I’m ready for my entrée. Bring it out. Bring it on.”

You tell me. If you’ve been eating the Sorrow Appetizer, too, I want to hear about it. Let’s dine, darling.

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In this fourth episode of the Creative Solopreneur Podcast, I spend an hour chatting with LaVonne Ellis from The Complete Flake and Speak Clearly Online. From a career as a radio news anchor and director, LaVonne’s mission these days is to help other people who experience resistance around getting things done — people she affectionately refer to as “flakes like her” — live better lives and feel more productive. I love LaVonne’s level of honesty and [buzzword ahead] transparency in this interview. No smoke and mirrors here. She’s the real deal and I have a feeling you’ll gain a few revelations about how real people get business done.

Here are the terrific people and things mentioned in our conversation:

• Sonia Simone, Remarkable Communication, the post that inspired LaVonne’s business name
• Naomi Dunford, IttyBiz
• David Crandall, Heroic Destiny
• Customer Love Challenge
• Skype
• Dave Navarro, The Launch Coach
• Third Tribe Marketing
• Laura Espinosa and Holly Jackson, Cottage Copy
• Catherine Caine, Be Awesome Online
• LaVonne’s super cool new thing: The Stuckbuster Sessions

Listen in as LaVonne opens up about the insecurities most of us face when starting a business; the struggle of keeping a through-line in your endeavors when you’re someone who tends to jump around a lot; inventorying yourself to discover your hidden business niche-worthy traits and talents; some great techniques for improving the quality of your voice for audio; the realities of getting stuck, and a really cool plan for you to get unstuck.

Right click here and select Save Link As to download the podcast to your hard drive, or left click to play in-browser.

P.S. The Creative Solopreneur Podcast will soon be syndicated to iTunes and RSS so that you can subscribe if you like!

P.S.S. LaVonne will be hanging around in the comments here for everyone who’s got follow-up questions. So ask away!

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This is a post inspired by Naomi Dunford. Read her post first for some context.

Didn’t read it? That’s okay. The context is, you know what you do for a living, but other people {not only your brother-in-law and the other moms in your kid’s play group, but maybe even your own blog readers!} don’t understand what you do at all. You think you’ve told them. But they didn’t get it. You think it’s on your website, but maybe it’s too much work to read your copy, or else people read your copy and still don’t understand. Or else maybe they’re too lazy to click over to your About Me page and read about you. {Possibly because they were pressed for time, but more than likely because your Home page content wasn’t compelling enough to warrant another click.}

So just in case, here’s

What I Actually Do For a Living

{Questions below are from Naomi’s post.}

What’s your game? What do you do?

I’m a writer. And in my business, I specifically do two things with writing. Only one of those things is obvious on my site at this time. {Brilliant, aren’t I?}

The first and obvious thing is, I write copy {content, text, words, headlines, pages} for people’s websites. I can write SEO copy {search engine optimized}, which is what most of my clients, who are creative entrepreneurs, want. SEO is the art and science of telling Google what your site is about in a way that will help it deliver more targeted search traffic to your site. Note: I can also write other types of business copy, such as copy for brochures and ads, however I’m going to be phasing out this offering by the end of the year, because I just don’t love doing it.

The second and less obvious thing is, I help creative people find the voice of their businesses. This is something I’ve done up to this point as part and parcel of writing copy for specific projects, however, in the near future it’s going to become it’s Own Thing, maybe even The Thing. People tend to think of “finding the voice of their business” as a very airy-fairy, amorphous proposition, existing really only in the entrepreneur’s head and not so much on the page. This couldn’t be more untrue. I like to show my clients through very specific doorways where their voices are already hanging out. And then we start consistently writing in that voice when we write for and about the business. By the way, I’ve got a digital product coming out this month on this very topic, in conjunction with the très smart Holly Jackson from Cottage Copy.

I also coach/consult with creative entrepreneurs on their Big Visions. This part of my business is still evolving and in the coming months, my service pages are going to look pretty different from how they do now. Note: If you’ve had your eye on one of my Vision, Love, Phraseologie, or Boutique Industry packages, now’s the time to book, because everything is subject to change soon.

Why do you do it? Do you love it, or do you just have one of those creepy knacks?

I’m not a fan of halfsies, but truly, I very much like what I do and I have a creepy knack. I always knew I was a writer but I didn’t know that I was a good copywriter until I had my first business. Copywriting is a very specific type of writing that one either has the knack for or doesn’t {though you can certainly improve if you want to}. I wrote all the copy for my no-longer-live retail boutique website, and I got as many comments and compliments from customers on the site copy as I did on the site design and the products we featured. Then I really started to get a clue when other shop owners would email me and tell me they “borrowed” my copy for their site {apparently not knowing this is a big no-no}. At one point through doing Google research, I found six other live, active independent retail sites who had straight out copied or barely adapted huge chunks of my site copy for their own sites. It was then I realized that I must be good at describing, entertaining, connecting, and selling through the medium of words.

Along with writing, I am in love with the coaching/consulting work I get to do with creative people. I love that asking the right questions can help uncover, unfold, and expose people’s desires. It’s so hard to behold ourselves sometimes, and it’s pretty cool that working with another person can help bring us into the light.

Who are your customers? What kind of people would need or want what you offer?

My clients are primarily creative entrepreneurs and solopreneurs {in my definition, solopreneurs are those who are intentional about running their business solo}. Slightly more than half of my clientele up to this point have product-based businesses rather than service-based businesses, though I can see that trend shifting. 90% of my clientele is female.

I see that my clients are ridiculously awesome at what they do, and I think because they are so glint-y and fascinating in their work, they see where there are gaps in their business and it pains them. So I often get the artist who thinks she sucks at writing {in actuality, she never sucks as bad as she thinks she does}. Or the musician who rocks out the moment but can’t get a feel for the big picture.

Personality-wise, I tend to work best with people who are action-oriented and don’t get mired in indecision. There’s always going to be some deliberation when you’re making creative choices, but I’m not one of those people who likes to play with a thousand options before committing to a decision. My right person tends to be the same way: she can identify what she loves and what works for her because it resonates with her, and she’s able to say yes and move forward into her dream. Someone who likes to lather in the I-don’t-know’s — that’s probably not my right person.

What’s your marketing USP? Why should I buy from you instead of the other losers?

I can draw from a rich set of experiences as the founder and proprietor of a successful, nationally award-winning offline business to help online business entrepreneurs. {Though my shop did business online, too, so I’m no noob.} I understand that all the sentiment and warmth in the world means nothing if you can’t back it up with real action to get real results. I have an intuitive feel for shaping addictive brand identities. Forget brain hemispheres: I’m one-third intuitive brain, one-third left brain, and one-third right brain. {I really do score right down the middle on those “Which side are you?” tests.} So, when you hire me, you’re getting a very well-balanced partner.

What’s next for you? What’s the big plan?

I’m gonna freestyle this: bigger vision and more work fueled by vision;  create a Phraseologie Diagnostic℠ for my work with clients; transitioning to a product-based business model rather than a service-based model {creating digital products and e-courses}; much more audio, including the Creative Solopreneur Podcast; setting some perameters for my work life.

About this last thing, you can love your business, even be in love with your business, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your all-in-all. You’re allowed to have a life outside of your business. You’re allowed to create for the sake of creating, not just for your business. This is something I’ve only recently realized and am reminding myself of daily.

So what do you really do for a living? I’d love for you to share it in the comments, as well as any difficulties you may have around expressing it to the people with whom you’d like to work.

P.S. One way I’m committing to creating for myself and not just for my business is by participating in this year’s NaNoWriMo. Click on the nifty monkey graphic in the sidebar to learn more.

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Bet you didn’t know that your small business wants to be a mutant clover. In fact, it believes it’s destined to be one.

And it’s hoping you’ll see its mutant possibilities and get on board.

Let’s back up for a minute…

You’ve got a great little business. Or a great big banging business. {More than likely it’s something in between.}

And you’ve been feeling for a while that it’s time to get more niche-y.

There are bugs to be worked out in your current business model:

Your business is straddling too much territory, or it obliges you to divide your foci disparately, or it’s set up in a way that totally exhausts you.

Or maybe, for some reason, you designed yourself a business that is so far removed from your entrepreneurial sweet spot that you hardly recognize your essential self in it. It’s a construction of who you can be, but you don’t really want to be that person all the time when you’re working.

Possibly it’s time for you to take a serious look at what you really want to do and what people say you’re really good at doing.

You’re ready to uncover the niche of you. The niche of you is the conceptual expression of your calling-set-forth-to-the-world.

Here’s the incomparable Jen Louden on the subject of your calling:

Your calling is something you can’t help but do and that doesn’t mean you recognize it or believe it or like it.

Your calling is not unique – your natural expression of it is.

– “Are You Too Intense?”, Jen Louden, ComfortQueen.com

Got that? You need to be looking at the thing you can’t help doing.

And — get this! — you don’t have to worry about all the other people who are already doing it. Because no one is doing it like you can/will do it.

This is the mutant clover part. It’s an act of nature, just like your inborn gifts and talents and the things you can’t stop doing.

You can avoid this conversation, or you can have it sooner rather than later.

{Confirmation for the perceptive: I’m in this season of examination right now with Abby Kerr Ink. Love, love, love what I get to do and who I get to work with, but sensing I could be even sharper and more delightful if I winnow some things down. So that some other things can open up, big-like.}

Get a piece of paper.

You’re going to write down two headings and then some stuff underneath each one.

The first heading is

What do I really want to offer people?

Underneath that, write down all the things you’d love to help people do, or all the things you’d love to make for people {can be physical or digital goods}. Make sure these are things you’d also want to do if money were no object. {Now that’s a game-changing thought.}

Make your list as long as you want it to be, but I’d consider keeping it on the shorter side. Three things might feel about right.

When you’ve outed yourself on paper {entrepreneurially speaking}, now write the second heading, which is

What do people say I’m really good at?

‘People’ might be your dad, your favorite aunt, or the nice lady who co-ordinates the charity drive you volunteer for each Christmas. But the people who really matter, in this exercise, are probably people whom you have helped with something through your business. A client. A customer. A fellow entrepreneur you’ve chatted with on Skype.

If your business isn’t up and running yet, then this exercise doesn’t quite apply to you, but you can certainly use it as a bellwether for where you’re thinking of heading. In your case, ‘people’ probably means friends, acquaintances, and other creative types who know what you’d like to do and have seen you practice it in some way.

Why should we care what people think we’re good at?

Because usually, others are quicker to identify our shades of brilliance and variations of extra-human excellence than we are. We tend to be receding, crouching creatures like that. We can’t see ourselves because we’re too busy hiding.

Your business wants to come into its full niche-y glory. It wants to be a mutant clover. But it can only do that if you let it.

Are you willing to try this nichifying exercise? If so, let’s talk about your lists in the comments. {Promise I’ll be sharing mine soon, too.}

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