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What does 21st century female leadership look like?

I was recently interviewed by a college woman who used to shop at my now-closed boutique {and has followed my blog since — thanks!} for a paper she’s writing on women and leadership. Her questions stirred in me long-dormant thoughts about feminism and what it really feels like to do my Entrepreneurial Thing in the U.S. as a female today. So much so that I wanted to share an excerpt of the interview with you here.

Thanks to M for allowing me the opportunity to share my point of view with her. :)

What leadership characteristics are required in your position?

My position as a self-employed writer and coach for entrepreneurs requires me to have the following leadership characteristics: a big idea that I believe is worth sharing, the courage of my convictions, a strong and clear voice, the ability to create a compelling platform that other people want to follow, the ability to help others see beyond their self-imposed limitations, terrific question-asking abilities, the ability to persuade others and an understanding of when to use those skills, and a great deal of trust in my intuition.

What type of power do you have in your position?

I have the power to influence other creative entrepreneurs, especially other female ones. I have the power to share my vision with those who are interested. I have the power to interpret information and communicate meaning. I have the power of a vehicle {my website} to disseminate my ideas out into the world. I have the power to create my own work, my own schedule, and customize my work life to my preferences.

How do you cope with stress?

Right now, not as effectively as I’d like! This is an area in which I’m still growing and coaching myself. I know that regular exercise works for me. So does taking enforced time off, unplugged from my BlackBerry. As a self-employed person, I can work 24/7 if I let myself. I get burned out if I drive myself too hard for too long. I aim to take one good vacation every year and that’s the only time I completely unplug — no blogging, no email, no Twitter, no Facebook. We easily forget what it’s like to live in a world without so much connection, and it’s important to remind our essential human selves of that! What a novelty.

Have you encountered any type of discrimination or stereotyping in your position? And if so, could you give an example?

I have encountered mild to moderate discrimination and stereotyping since entering the work force {as I suspect most women have}, but never more so than when I owned my first business, a boutique. Most notably, the stereotyping came from middle aged or older male business owners and/or middle aged or older male employees of companies with whom I was doing business.

Many times, I experienced being talked down to, scolded or chided, being hit on, feeling as if my thoughts were being “humored” rather than being taken seriously, being patronized to, being sold to on the level of “fun” and “emotions” rather than on the basis of a good business opportunity, and being told that the expectations for women were different {and less than expectations for males}.

I once hired a service provider who was a chauvinist and would characterize women in business, and his observations of them, extremely negatively along these lines: women are only “playing” business, women can’t manage money, women don’t understand the financial consequences of their actions and need their husbands, fathers, or accountants to get them out of trouble. Needless to say, I no longer do business with this individual!

Note: 95% of my interactions with men in business have been positive and free of any perceived discrimination or gender stereotyping. It’s the 5% of interactions that have been weird that cause me to think, wow, some people’s thinking needs to fast forward about 50 years into the present!

What suggestions do you have for women who are interested in leaderships roles or positions?

The rules of engagement in our world are being rewritten daily, but the majority of the world’s population still doesn’t value and accept the contributions that women can make as readily as they might value and accept a man’s. As a female leader, you are putting yourself on the cutting edge of enterprise, government, and education — yes, even today in 2011! This was a big realization for me, having come of age at a time {much like today} when girls were raised being expected to excel and to be able to attain anything that a man could. I was pretty surprised to see that although parents and schools are teaching children these things, this acceptance of a woman’s worth and her limitless ability to achieve and create change still hasn’t permeated all aspects of our society!

Nevertheless, women who want to be leaders should carry on as if these limitations don’t exist. And soon enough, they won’t! We in free nations are in a special position to inspire and influence women in other parts of the world whose homelands don’t share our freedoms yet.

What do you like best and least about your job? What’s a typical day of work like for you?

What I like best: being able to create my own work in the world, set my own hours, set my own rates, be choosy about which clients I take on, and as a self-employed person, I have limitless earning potential because I’m not capped by what a company says my skills are worth.

What I like least: not being able to fully turn the work off at the end of the day and “step away” from my business. My brain is almost always dreaming up new ideas, planning for the future, and focused on the next item on my To Do list.

Typical day right now: Wake up early and tend to personal stuff; ready to go by mid-morning; respond to client and prospect communications, catch up on blog reading; go to a coffee shop for three or four hours of client work, interspersed with social media marketing/networking time; to the gym; home to make dinner; another two or three hours of client work; an hour of professional development; hit the sack and fall asleep watching TV.

Can a woman truly “have it all” {career, family, etc.} as they say? Or do you find it difficult to balance everything in your life?

No one can have it all, male or female, in the way that “have it all” is typically talked about, without much trial and error along the way. {And the trials can really suck!} Just about no one can successfully balance a rich family life or even just a rich relationship, make six figures or more, have a gorgeous home, be fantastically fit and healthy, have a great circle of friends, travel regularly, retire early, etc., without considerable sacrifices and shake-ups along the way.

You can have more than you think, but there will be trade-offs. You can’t do it alone. Having a circle of support, even a small one, is key.

Letting go of the expectation that everything in one’s life will rock all at the same time, in perfect concert, helps! Life always comes down to choices. If you choose to pursue one area {such as a challenging career, renovating a home, or traveling extensively} full-throttle, expect to make sacrifices in other areas of your life for a while. Some stuff is going to suck for a while.

For me, it’s all about finding the ideal equilibrium, where I have enough of what I need right now in all areas, but knowing that there is no such thing as a “dream life” where everything is perfect 24/7. That’s just not how life works for anybody, despite what’s portrayed in the media or what well-constructed images your personal hero/ines are peddling!

As a female do you notice that you deal with change differently than any male colleagues? Do your emotions ever play a role in how your work gets accomplished?

I can’t say that I’ve noticed any differences between how I handle change from how my male colleagues do. I will say that I, as an individual, LOVE change and welcome it! On the This Is Me page of my website, I write, “I like to think of change — even change forced upon us — as opportunities for reinvention and life optimization.” I see change as an opportunity to evolve and get better, not just to catch up and find your status quo again.

My emotions definitely play a role in how my work gets accomplished. If I’m having a dark, down, or particularly emotional day, I don’t push myself to do deep creative work for clients. {It might be a disservice to them, and I want to serve them at my best!} I may use days like that for administrative work that doesn’t require an emotional or spiritual investment from me. I also use my emotions in a positive way, to fuel the writing I do on my blog or for client projects.

Do you feel as though you get to be yourself in all of your roles in life or do you have have multiple sides depending on the role you are in?

What a great question. What you’re asking about is exactly the personal mission I’ve been on since I entered the professional workforce after graduate school in 2002.

I want my work in the world to be a holistic reflection of me and my gifts and talents. I’m always trying to hone my work and my service offerings so that they’re a more full and apt reflection of all I’ve got to share with the world.

At the same time, I have to remember in my personal relationships to turn Business Abby off. I’m sure there’s a limit to how much my lifelong friends want to hear about the latest and greatest incarnation of my business. :)

What are your thoughts on the questions I was asked? Let’s talk about your experiences with regards to being a female leader in the 21st century, or working with female leaders.